Screenwriting II — Week 4 & 5 — Spring 2014

February 25, 2014

Greetings everyone,

Highlights of the past two weeks.

First, congrats to  Robert, David, Amanda, Jennifer, Apolos and Sharah. Good job pitching.

All of you did well. Now the real work begins. Below is the one-page synopsis of Collateral I promised you.
Plus the 12 Hero’s Journey beats for The Matrix.

Your assignment:Do all the assigned reading and be prepared for the quiz.

Group 1 and 2 — your ONE-PAGE SYNOPSIS is due in your respective folders no later than 11:59 PM this Friday, Feb. 28th.

Group 3 — your ONE-PAGE SYNOPSIS is due in your respective folders no later than 9:25 AM on Monday, March 3rd.

Also, several of you have asked about commenting on your classmates’ assignments.  Is it a requirement? No.

What’s required of you is class particiipation. So if you don’t participate in a face-to-face class discussion (you’re shy, not fully awake, too self-concious, etc.),

then you had better use the online platform to make your voice heard, i.e. comment on your GROUPMATES’ work (you can comment on all your classmates’ work,

if you like). Otherwise you will receive a ZERO for class participation when the final grade is calculated.

Here’s a one-page synopsis for Collateral.


Screenplay written by Stuart Beattie

LA cabbie Max Durocher is the type of person who can wax poetic about other people’s lives, which impresses U.S. Justice Department prosecutor Annie Farrell, one of his fares, so much that she gives him her telephone number at the end of her ride. Although he’s good at his job, Max is unable to make a better life for himself. He deludes himself into believing that his now twelve year cabbie job is temporary and that someday he will own his own limousine service.


One night, Max picks up a well-dressed man named Vincent, who asks Max to be his only fare for the evening. For a flat fee of $600, plus an extra $100 if he gets to the airport on time – Vincent wants Max to drive him to five stops that evening. Max somewhat reluctantly agrees. Max learns the hard way at their first stop when a body falls from a third story apartment window and lands dead on top of his cab that Vincent is a contract hit man. Vincent’s main goal, as per his current contract, is to kill five people, one at each of the stops, but he will not let others get in the way of that goal, even if it means killing them, including Max.


Meanwhile, a Detective Fanning is chasing the two, slowly figuring out what is going on. He pieces together several clues involving the people Vincent has killed, determining that the killer has used the same method to shoot them all; two shots in the chest and one in the skull.


Despite the circumstances, Vincent seems to take a liking to Max. When Vincent finds out Max’s mother is ill, he insists they visit her in the hospital. While Vincent talks with the mother,  Max manages to slip away with Vincent’s briefcase containing his laptop and the identity records of his targets. Max throws the briefcase off the bridge onto the highway below, where it’s run over by a truck. Vincent responds by forcing Max to go to the man who ordered the hits and retrieve the information. Against all odds, Max manages to get the information Vincent needs. They now have to complete the final two hits.


Vincent and Max go to a busy night club to kill a heavily guarded target. The FBI, LAPD, and Fanning also show up.  During a big shootout inside the club Fanning finds Max and tries to escort him to safety. Vincent appears from behind and shoots Fanning dead.


Max and Vincent escape the carnage and head for the next mark. By this time Max has reached his breaking point and deliberately wrecks his cab. Vincent crawls out and leaves him behind. A police officer approaches Max to help him but sees the bodies Vincent hid in the trunk. While on the ground, Max sees Vincent’s new computer screen and realizes that Annie is the final target, which explains why Vincent was outside that particular building earlier; he was studying the building’s security systems.

Max overpowers the cop and takes his gun. He races to Annie’s building and reaches her at the same time Vincent does.  A battle between Max and Vincent ensues. Max manages to kill Vincent and save Annie’s life.  He and Annie get off at the next station. The rampage is over. It’s the dawn of a new day.

And this is a Here’s Journey outline for The Matrix.

Ordinary world

Neo works as a programmer for a software company replete with boring cubicles, an obnoxious boss, and indifferent coworkers.
(Why did the writers choose to open the story with Trinity fighting Agent Smith and his cronies? To have a running start and give us a whiff of the magical world. Now we know Trinity can kick ass. It’s a welcome sight at the end of the film when she accompanies Neo on the rescue-Morpheus mission.)

Call to Adventure

“Follow the white rabbit.”  Neo goes to the club with Choi and meets Trinity there.
Trinity claims she knows the answer to “What is the Matrix?”

Refusal of the call

Neo is at work when he receives a call from Morpheus, who wants to help him escape from the agents. But Neo drops his phone and chickens out. He steps back inside and is arrested by the agents.

Meetingwith the Mentor / Crossing the First Threshold

Neo meets Morpheus, who offers Neo a choice between the red and the blue pill. “This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill – the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill – you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.”
Neo goes for the red pill. He makes a conscious choice to enter the magical world and go on a journey.

Tests,Allies and Enemies

Neo learns about the Matrix and his potential role in it. He learns how to fight and who his friends are.

Approachto the Inmost Cave

Neo is taken to see the Oracle. He’s faced with some of the doubts and fears that first surfaced upon his call to adventure. Is he the One or isn’t he?

Ordeal(Lowest Point)

Morpheus is captured by Agents. Cypher is a traitor. Everything seems lost. Neo chooses to risk his life to save Morpheus.  Trinity comes with him.


Neo chooses to risk his life to save Morpheus.  Trinity comes with him. They succeed in rescuing Morpheus. All three are going back to reality.

TheRoad Back

The Agents pursue them. Only Morpheus and Trinity get back to the ship. Neo is stuck in the Matrix.

Resurrection ( Final Battle / Climax)

Neo fights Agent Smith and is killed by him. But Trinity’s kiss in reality literally resurrects Neo in the Matrix.
The Matrix no longer controls Neo. He controls the Matrix. Neo easily defeats the Agents.

Return with the Elixir

Neo now believes in himself. He’s the One who will end the oppression of the machines.

Screenwriting II — Week 3 — Spring 2014

February 10, 2014

Good job pitching, guys: Peter, Issac, Suraya, Austin, Odin, and Oriel.

Intersting stories and characters. Keep working on them.

Next week (Thursday, don’t forget — same time, same place) we’ll take a break earlier, say, 10:30am, so we have more time for the pitches:

Robert, David, Amani, Amanda, Apolos, Jennifer, Sharah.

Okay. In class we discussed the art of writing a synopsis.  Even if you haven’t pitched your idea yet, you can start drafting your synopsis. Don’t forget that it should be no longer than one page. Hard to do. Especially if you don’t know your story well. But try to do the best you can. I’m confident all of you will rise to the challenge.

Important points to keep in mind:

1. Introduce ONLY your central chracters by names. Protagonist, Antagonist, maybe another important character.

2. Avoid subplots. Concentrate on the main plot only. Remember, you don’t have much room to move.

3. Include the main turning points — plot points and character revelations that move the story forward. You don’t have to indicate where the plot point comes in. Simply describe what happens and how it affect your characters (if it does).

4. Reveal the ending.  We’re all in this together. No point in hiding it from us. We’d rather admire your ability to tell a story than be surprised by your ending 🙂

I included three sample synopses in the attachment below.

Synopses – samples

Your assignemnt for Thursday:

1. Those of you who pitched, work on your stories.

2. Those who are slated to pitch on Thursday, prepare solid pitches (see samples of pitches Week 1 post.)

3. Read Vogler: The Archetypes, Hero, Mentor (pp. 23-49)

See you Thursday.

Screenwriting II — Week 2 — Spring 2014

February 5, 2014

Great job pitching on Monday, guys!

Jake, Caroline, Sarah, Enrico, Nick, Saku, David.

It’s hard to present your idea, defend its premise and be open to suggestions and advice without losing your creative center, your artistic “spine”, as it were.  Yes, it’s hard. But writing is hard. It only gets easier insofar as diminished mental bruising and soreness after the first draft as you get better. But you still have to fight the same battles.

On that cheery note…


I mentioned the Traveling Angel structure. The story teacher John Truby coined the phrase and discusses it in his book The Anatomy of Story. What it means is that your central character is not the person who carries the theme on his shoulders. In fact, your central character doesn’t even have a character arc (something that every main character should have, right?). Well, in a traveling angel structure, the community the “angel” comes to is the true main character.  The traveling angel drives the story, but it’s the community that goes through a transformation.  So the first thing to do if you decide to use such a structure is to setup the community first and then introduce the traveling angel.  Examples: Shane, Pale Rider, Dead Poets Society, One Flew Over the Cuckoos’ Nest, just to name a few.

I also suggested that you write a BIOGRAPHY OF YOUR MAIN CHARACTER.  If you’re writing a love story or a buddy movie, you should write a bio for both of your lovers / buddies.

What should a character biography include? Anything you want. Go to town. Feel free. Childhood, adolescence, scars, wounds, the color of her eyes. Anything and everything. Make it as personal as you want.  No need to post it anywhere or show it to anyone. It’s for you.

I like to do my character bio using the Interview Format. You simply write down the questions you want to ask your character and see how he or she answers them. Describe her behavior. Ask a personal question. Would she answer it? If not, ask the same question but in different way. You can do it in a screenplay format, if you wish. Or you can simply write a long essay about your main character. You’ll be living with her for a while, so you’d better get to know her.

At the beginning of next class I will give you a questionnaire regarding your main character. Having written a bio, you should have no problem answering the questions.

Your Assignment for Monday,  February 10th.

1. If you haven’t read the chapters assigned for last week, read them now.

2. Read the screenplay for Collateral (Blackboard / Screenplays page). We’ll discuss it in class.

3. In light of our discussions in class, adjust your pitch to make it more effective.

4. The seven of you who have already pitched, see if you can modify your premise to make it more effective.

See you next week.


Screenwriting II — Week 1 — Spring, 2014

February 2, 2014


It was great to meet all of you.

In class we touched upon the art and craft of dramatic structure — the lifeblood of every great narrative film. We’ll continue to discuss the elements of dramatic structure throughout this course. Remember that Screenwriting II is devoted solely to story architecture, so aside from some exercises, we won’t be writing scenes and dialogue for your story. You will be doing that in Screenwriting III.

In this course  we’ll use  Vogler’s The Writer’s Journey. But I strongly suggest that you read the books on the recommended list. It’s important for you to understand and be familiar with the terminology these famous story-structure teachers use, because most Hollywood (an Independent) executives, agents, directors, writers, and even actors have either taken story-structure courses from them or read their books.

On Feb. 3rd you will start pitching your stories in class. We’ll talk more about the art of pitching next week.  Meanwhile, here’s a good article by Christopher Lockhart, who was a story analyst and reader  for the talent-agent-to-the-stars Ed Limato.

Before you begin your Assignment 1, try to understand the difference between Theme, Premise, Logline, and Pitch.

Many writers and writing teachers have their own definition of each term, so it may get confusing. So for this class, let’s agree that…

A premise is a very short summary of your story, a WHAT-IF scenario. Note that you don’t want to be TOO specific in your premise. You want to give us the barebones of your main character, your opponent, and the plot.

A theme is what the story is REALLY about (for you!). It is what your story explores. The moral, the essence, the truth. Note that you should never be upfront (on the nose) with your theme. Let the reader/audience understand it for themselves. Also note that a theme should not be original. There are only a handful of themes and they have been mined by most stories from the beginning of time.

A logline is a one or two sentence presentation of your story. Try not to go beyond two sentences.

Here’s  a logline for Schindler’s List: When a materialistic, womanizing Aryan industrialist discovers his Jewish workers are being sent to Nazi death camps, he risks his life and fortune to save them. Clean, clear, and to the point. There are tons of other things that happen in the film, but that’s the main throughline. What drives the film forward.

Here’s  one for Spy Kids: After segueing from a life of espionage to raising a family, Gregorio and Ingrid Cortez are called back into action. But when they are kidnapped by their evil nemesis, there are only two people in the world who can rescue them… their kids!

Avatar: An American marine goes to another planet, falls in love with a native girl and her culture, and helps her save it from the modern man and his machines.

The writer and teacher Jonathan Triesman says, “Make Your Logline Memorable

The main point to remember about writing a logline is that you have to try to boil down your own high concept ideas into something that’s easy for people to understand. If you can’t relate to an agent, a publisher, a producer or even a studio executive what your story is about in one or two sentences, then it will be difficult to get them interested in reading your work, and more importantly, wanting to buy it.

Keep in mind however, that a good logline doesn’t tell someone too much. It’s always good to leave a little something to the imagination. In the case of Spy Kids, you want the person you’re pitching, to ask you, “Hey, what does happen when the kids have to save their parents?” And that’s when you can say, “Well, you’ll have to read my screenplay to find out.”

Additionally, when you’re pitching your story logline, you don’t want to sound like a snake-oil salesman by telling someone: “It’s like Die Hard on a bus” or “It’s like The Firm meets The Fugitive.” What does that even mean? However, if you told me that your script was about “A man who is bitten by a genetically-altered spider, and soon discovers that he has unusual powers and the strength and agility of a spider.” Well, I’d say, that’s definitely a movie I’d want to see.

Some may ask, why is the Spiderman logline a high-concept idea? It’s high concept because, while we all can’t relate to what it would be like to be Spiderman, the film has many high-concept themes that we can all relate to such as: unrequited love, parental approval and of course, wish fulfillment as a superhero.”

A pitch is a verbal presentation of your story that consists of a logline and premise (short story summary), and often, but not always, a take on the theme.  A professional pitch session shouldn’t last longer than 10-15 minutes.

Here are two exmples of a logline and premise. This is how I expect you to pitch your stories next week.


The Pitch: Regarding Henry


A ruthless lawyer survives a shooting and realizes that he can’t remember who he was. With the help of his wife and daughter he adjusts to his new life and becomes a loving and affectionate man.


A ruthless and unethical lawyer, Henry Turner, is so obsessed with his work that he has no time for his wife and daughter. He has just won a malpractice case  in which he defended a hospital against a patient who had  claimed he was in the right.

One night, as Henry tries to buy cigarettes, he walks in on a convenient store robbery and is shot in the head.

Henry survives, but he suffers from amnesia. As he makes new relationships with his wife and daughter, he quickly realizes that he doesn’t like the person he was before he was shot. He grows close to his wife and misses his daughter, who is at a boarding school.

The law firm Henry worked at allowed him to return to work out of loyalty. But soon Henry realizes he doesn’t want to be a lawyer.

However, he can’t escape his past. He finds out that prior to his shooting, he’d had affairs with several women, and that he’d done things that would haunt him for the rest of his life if doesn’t do anything about it.

He gives documents from his last case, which his firm suppressed, to the plaintiff, who deserved to win.  He and Sarah recommit to their relationship, then withdraw their daughter form the boarding school she hates.  They’re now one happy family, overjoyed to be together.

The Pitch: You Can Count on Me


A single mother’s life is turned upside-down after her drifter brother comes to town and becomes friends with her son.


Sammy and Terry lost their parents to a car accident when they were children. A couple of decades later,  Sammy is a single mother raising her son in small town  in the Catskills. Terry is a drifter, living one day at a time and getting in and out of trouble.  He hasn’t had contact with his sister in months.

But when Terry finds himself desperate for money, he comes to visit Sammy and her son Rud. And ends up staying for a while. Although Sammy is happy to have Terry stay with them, conflict between the siblings ensues.

While Sammy turns down her boyfriend’s marriage proposition and starts a reckless affair with her boss, Terry grows close to his nephew. Rudy doesn’t know his father and thinks of him as a hero. So when Terry offers Rudy to go visit his father, who lives in a different town, the boy gladly agrees. Confronted by the past he wanted to escape, Rudy’s dad becomes furious with Terry, causing Terry to assault him and get arrested. Sammy and Terry have a fight, and Sammy asks her brother to move out.

He plans to go back to Alaska and laughs when Sammy suggests he stay in town and get a life. But they reconcile before Terry leaves, both coming to terms with their respective lives, both deeply changed by their time together.

Here’s a good article from Script magazine on the art of pitching.

Your assignment:

1. Prepare a pitch of your story (logline and premise). If you know your theme, that’s great. Include that too. If you don’t, that’s okay. We’ll work on it.

2. Read the assigned chapters in the textbook.

Upload your work to your respective folder on MY WORK page.  Click on Upload Tutorial link for upload instructions.
The assignment deadline is on Friday, January 31st at 11:59pm. You can uploaded ANY TIME BEFORE NOW AND THE DUE TIME.
If the assignment is submitted more than five minutes past its due time, it will be considered late and your grade will go down by one letter.

Let me know if you have any questions.

See you next week.